A Youth I Did Not Know-A Mellowness I Cannot Remember

An indifferent Youth-An Unmementos maturity

I see myself in your eyes,

I see my weary feet pilfering the cold mud

My clothes hoarded in an atmosphere of worry

Distracted shadows that track my deception,

Complaining tears, thirsty from a cheek unguided by me.

I pity the miserable atmosphere without you.

The bracelets of gloom broken by pain

I trick the intentions of denial,

That is why I love you,

I love you…Like one who is enamored by a dumb stream,

A dumb water fall, towards you my feeble heart is exaggerated

Till it feels the unique storm,

Raging from a few kisses,

Sucked by the mediation of our souls.

In your embrace I know the loving choke of death.

The honeyed tears I profess fall like burning wax.

With your seething hands I attempt to blot-out my fire.

Never,

I cannot master the satirical signs of your love, nor examine its hidden goals.

When I inhale your raving departure and your difficult return,

I am oblivious of the impudent world that we so proudly snub,

I rely on your heart that is rooted in my recesses,

I love you like a spring that never wearies from its dizzyingly bewailing flow

Towards the baptismal lament of another enthusiastic stingy love.

When I see you,

I search, occupied by your presence, for dark ink

I acutely search for the fluctuating waters of the heart

I design your early disappearance,

I record your revered scent,

I sculpt your hastened possession me,

I string all the machinery of my life,

To lament you, sing you, or model your manliness,

Oh the daringness of fate, the guilt of my days,

The sainthood of my silence.

I have a house gathered by green trellises spreading the cloak of night,

Rose buds surrounded by teary waters,

An orphaned grass assisted against an unseen dryness,

Cactus fruits concealing thirst and bestowing abundance to shy thorns,

Baked brick that pave my dreamy path,

Blood colored flowers that sufficiently hide the pebbles,

Blinding sun flowers,

A river of pebbles and shattered baked brick support the violent corners,

A goddess guarding an impatiently ripened garden

Tempting it with her sainthood,

While slaughtering them one by one.

In front of her,

I bow to profound thirst,

I kneel to utmost forgiveness,

I bend my knees

And wait for your caresses.

An evening and yet another…

A night and yet another…

A day and yet another…

After unjustly opposing my silence

I disrobe your terminated progress,

And advance myself.

Before I love you,

I release my soul from a bundled future of un-pardoned weakness

I adjust my foggy past to a soothsayers uncaring knowledge,

I shut out today’s extensively unbearable patience.

And…

When you intone me with those piercing cat eyes

Like collapsing arteries I compellingly continue the slaughter of a vain victory

Until I contemplate the intent of your betrayal,

I am infatuated by your bright ivory lips that arrest a curing rain

I do not want your early end, I do not want to die without you,

Now my small grave does not tenderly beckon me, without you my death will be hastened.

When your curious step is eased toward my contented silence,

My heart overtakes everything that has not passed.

When I love you,

I am adorned with mirrors that see you,

I cherish my desolate reality

I oppose preserving the lilacs that advanced my cure of you.

Tell me: who are you?

That I may sever the remnants of deprived time and continue to indulge in the sweet poison

I am uncomfortable with the sugar that has presently occupied the cells of my body

I no longer posses the crazy yearning that suddenly ascended from the old heart

And enflamed me in the hallo of your magic.

I am humbled by you,

The leanness of strange steps and the distant road,

The drowning of the swimmer towards an enflamed sky,

The blind grave veiling a weary coffin,

Indulging in partitioned sand fearful of disappearance

To end with you,

Without me nothing represents you.

Your scent is like a jasmine fearing to seize its elevated space,

Your whisper is like the murmuring rain arranging the falling stars,

Your forehead’s touch is like the mount of an abundantly blooming plant,

Your comforting hands are like the weary spikes’ golden bloom,

Your eyes are like the daring squirrels’ vainly concealing their secret,

Your shirt is like the cursed sails before drowning in the scent of the air

Your footsteps are like a malicious pickax flirting with the errors of the soul.

I love you but I cannot describe the scent,

Of the dormant odd devotion of my abusive arms.

When I see you awed at your delayed death

I rush to you,

Guarding wings of moistened masks to protect your departure.

The air hums like a bee tricked by the easing wind

Forsaken by the veiling drapes and its content,

Treated by the rose buds’ delicious pollen

Till a timely nausea,

Not a drop of honey

Was delivered from you.

I love you,

I bite my fingers when I recall a name that paints your eminent departure,

Whenever I remember you coming towards me, to an indifferent youth, to an un-mementoes maturity,

To endure the hard coldness of a grave, to the choking approach of confirmation.

I love how you exaggerate the passion that flows from me,

The divine duration of clouds that mimic my flow,

Always ridiculing my body’s oasis,

Always incriminating the my peaceful soul.

I hunger for

The occasionally radiating union of breath,

That unconsciously penetrates the depth of absence.

I love your trembling eyes,

Whenever your eyelids slip into stares of hidden yearning

A tremor that ignores everyone

Like a skillful knight slaughtering its reproofing prey.

The night alone

Our bashful absolver,

Protecting our beautiful isolation,

Proud of our past time,

Our warring speared hearts,

Shepherd a courageous attack-

Alone,

Capable of unleashing positive ink.

I love you as if I do not love

I live you as if I do not live

As my heart-now-labors with me:

My grave is not roused before your privation,

It will not grasp my splintered soul from the toughened bones before your lead,

Will not leave me to sleep alone,

Your vision pinned behind the eyelids’ darkness bestowing you:

All this,

Should I die before I live you.

That is why

He gratified me…and occupied the remainder

Of my life.

Written by: Fawzeya Al Sendi

Translated by: Mouna Schaheen